The Relationship Trait That Keeps Couples Together

Welcome to the positive corner of the internet. Every weekday, we help you make sense of the complex world of wellness by analyzing the headlines, simplifying the latest research, and providing quick tips designed to help you stay healthier in under 5 minutes. If you were forwarded this message, you can get the free daily email here.

Today’s Health Upgrade

• Number you won’t forget

• Weekly wisdom

• The trait that keeps couples together

• 21 days to build a habit? Do this instead.

Nutrition
Number You Won’t Forget: 10 Percent

If you’ve ever relied on packaged snacks to get your kids through the day, you’re not alone. But new research suggests that the type of food may have lasting effects on your child’s health, especially for boys.

Scientists found that every 10 percent increase in ultra-processed food intake at age three was linked to higher body fat and a 20 percent greater risk of overweight or obesity in boys by age 5.

While that might not be too surprising, the number of children relying on ultra-processed foods is a reason to pay attention. 

On average, ultra-processed foods — think chips, sweetened yogurts, packaged pastries, and processed meats — made up 45 percent of kids’ daily calories. After two years, boys who ate more of these foods had higher BMI, waist-to-height ratios, and thicker skinfold measurements, all indicators of fat gain. Girls in the study didn’t show the same associations.

And that’s not all: the link between ultra-processed food and weight gain in boys held firm even after adjusting for total calories, sugar, fat, and sodium intake. That means it wasn’t just about overeating; it suggests that the processing itself may play a role in how these foods affect young bodies.

Remember, this isn’t black and white. All processing isn’t bad (after all, many healthy foods — such as olive oil — are also processed). And some ultra-processed foods have a time and place. Plus, the type of food might matter even more than the processing, as other research has shown that ultra-processed foods that require more chewing aren’t consumed as much as those that are softer.

The takeaway isn’t to panic; it’s to be mindful. You don’t need to cut out those foods altogether. But it’s a good idea to include more whole-food choices like fruit, vegetables, lean proteins, and minimally processed grains.

If you need a place to start, replace one packaged snack a day with a whole-food option. Over time, those small changes can reduce reliance on ultra-processed foods and set healthier habits for life.

Mindset
Weekly Wisdom

Fear has a way of guarding the doors to your biggest breakthroughs. The challenge you keep avoiding — the tough conversation, the new routine, the risk that feels uncomfortable — is usually the very thing that unlocks the growth you’ve been waiting for. 

The cave isn’t just dark; it feels intimidating because it matters. Deep down, you know what’s inside could change you. We don’t fear things that don’t matter; we fear the ones that could actually make a difference.

Turn Wisdom Into Action
Think about the one thing you’ve been putting off because it scares you. Don’t just identify what you’re avoiding; take the time to go deeper and explore why you feel fear or anxiety, or avoid making a change. That’s your cave. 

Instead of letting fear stay in the shadows, drag it into the light. 

Write down exactly what you’re afraid of. Then ask: What’s the worst that could happen? How likely is it? What would I do if it did happen? 

When you see your fears on paper, most lose their power because they’re no longer a vague monster in the dark; they’re problems you can prepare for. Once you’ve named the fear and defused it, then take the first small step toward that cave. Neutralizing the fear makes the action possible, and the action moves you closer to the treasure.

Lifestyle
The Relationship Trait That Keeps Couples Together

You’ve heard that laughter is the best medicine. But it might also be a bond that helps keep relationships together.

When couples share genuine laughter, they don’t just feel good in the moment. They build emotional safety, trust, and connection, which are the foundations of long-lasting love.

Couples who laugh together are happier, more satisfied, and more resilient, especially when their humor doesn’t tear each other down.

In a meta-analysis of 39 studies involving more than 15,000 people, researchers found that humor and relationship satisfaction go hand in hand. The effect was strongest when both partners created humor and when the jokes were the kind that build connection, not sarcasm or criticism.

The researchers believe humor helps couples regulate stress and increase bonding hormones like oxytocin, which strengthen emotional closeness. Laughter also diffuses tension and reframes challenges, making it easier to stay connected during conflict.

Here are three ways you can apply the research to your relationship:

1. Create inside jokes. They build intimacy and remind you that you’re on the same team.

2. Laugh at shared experiences, not at each other. Humor should lift, not sting.

3. Use laughter to ease tension, but don’t use it to avoid real issues.

Relationships that stay light-hearted tend to last longer and feel stronger. So go ahead and find a reason to laugh together today.

Better Questions, Better Solutions
Forget “21 Days To Build A Habit” And Do This Instead

It’s easy to become obsessed with numbers or act like self-improvement is a race against time. But the next time you want to build a habit, here’s something to consider:

Forget “21 days” as a goal because your brain’s habit clock runs on its own schedule. And shifting this mindset could help your new behaviors catch on quicker.

The Old Question: How long until this habit becomes automatic?
The Better Question: What’s making this behavior harder to stick with than it should be?

The “21-day habit” myth isn’t just misleading, it’s discouraging. Real science shows habits don’t form on a fixed timeline. Success comes not from waiting for a magical day when things get easy, but from redesigning your environment so that the right choice becomes the effortless one.

Researchers reviewed dozens of habit studies and found that health habits typically reach moderate strength around 59 to 66 days, though individual variation is substantial, with some habits forming as quickly as 18 days and others taking 254 days (or longer). It all depends on the person, the behavior, and the situation.

It turns out that creating habits depends less on repetition and more on rewards, environmental cues, and friction. Not to mention, there's a difference between how people build habits in labs (controlled, predictable) versus real life (messy, emotional, full of disruption). In the real world, context — not willpower — rules.

When you expect a new habit to “stick” in 21 days, you’re setting yourself up to feel like a failure. But the truth? Every habit has its own curve. Drinking more water might take weeks; building a consistent workout routine could take months. That’s not failure, it’s physiology.

Instead of putting yourself on the clock, stop counting days and start removing friction.

What does that look like? It depends on what stands in your way. If getting to the gym is a problem, consider laying out your workout clothes the night before or hiring a trainer to keep you accountable. If overeating snacks is a problem, consider moving them to a spot in your home where they are hard to reach and out of sight. If you find yourself doom-scrolling at night, try putting your phone in another room at bedtime.

Every minor adjustment that makes the better choice easier shortens your habit timeline, so you can make the changes you desire. 

And that’s it for this week! Thank you for being a part of the positive corner of the internet, and we hope you all have a fantastic weekend!
-Arnold, Adam, and Daniel

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Publisher: Arnold Schwarzenegger​

Editors-in-chief: Adam Bornstein and Daniel Ketchell